|
[19 Oct 2006|06:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
why cant i...liz phair |
] |
its been a while since ive written in here. college is going well, i actually like my classes and work is great, i love the lil 3 yr olds i work with. i still love having my own apartment, with jamie of course, more than anything. i need to go grocery shopping tho, haha.
anyways, i was looking at some old pics last night of my three younger siblings. my mom always took pics of greg and i when we were little, but she didnt take pics of the younger three. im glad that i did, i have a whole mini bin full of pics of them when they were little. they are sooo cute and i can remember the events for each pic, almost. lol. it made me think about how much our lives have changed in the past 6ish years. 6 years ago i was still living with my mom at our old house, and we still talked to my dad. i babysat all the time, and katie and i were inseperable. i meant so much to the younger three back then, even greg who is 3 yrs younger than me. i was with them so much, i practically raised them for those rough 2-3 years. now we dont have our parents and we live with my aunt and uncle, they are 8, 10, and 11, and greg is almost 18, they were too little to remember how much i did for them, or even much of our parents, and now im just the older sister away at college. it makes me miss those days but i know how much better off they are now. i love my family so much, and now that im older and more independant and ive chosen to be at school more than home, i miss them a lot. i love being on my own, and i know that 6 years ago, i didnt think i would ever leave my family. its weird how so many things can change in such short time. i feel like that was a whole lifetime ago, and ive changed so much since then...
i never thought i would want to go away for school, and now its my senior year. ill still have another year after this, but time really flies...i dont have the patience for school anymore tho. i get so bored sitting in my class thats an hour and 15 mins. i dont know how i made it through years of 8 hr days. haha. im really really going to miss some of my friends who ive become so close with that are done after this year. i should be done too, but i switched majors so late, ill be here next year too.
anyways, i think im done ranting in here. ha, just some thoughts. im finally starting to feel better...stupid pneumonia. well, i hope this weekend is as fun as i think its going to be!!
|
|
| boring venting... |
[05 Sep 2006|03:20am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
so its late, and i cant sleep. i love having my own place sooo much, with jamie of course. im a lil stressed with money right now, its just going to take time to make sure that everything works out ok. cuz if it doesnt, im screwed. i am so proud of everything i did for myself over the summer. i loved the camps so much, and i miss working with the kids!! i love the summer weather. i love the heat and swimming and field trips. i was so productive, working almost 70 hours a week, plus taking a night class, and babysitting before and after camp when class ended. i was always busy, i felt so productive. i didnt care that i didnt have a bf, i didnt have time for one anyways, i barely got to see my friends, but i was ok with all that. cuz i knew they were stll there for me. i even lost 23 pounds in weight watchers with my grandma. since school started, or well, since i moved in, like 2 weeks ago, i feel like i havent done a thing. im already not wanting to go to class. i havent been to the rec to work out, i only work 15 hours a week at a daycare. yea, i have my awesome group of friends which im happy to have, but i feel lonely. the only attention ive had in a long while from a guy that i was interested in, over the summer, proved to be totally not what i expected. big surprise there. i can honestly say that i am over my past crushes, and im proud that i dont try to hold on to something thats not there, its an accomplishment for me. but sometimes i feel like im destined to be alone, but i guess at least ill have my good friends. i feel so boring, like nothing i do is exciting, and i dont feel like im a person people want to get to know. im a dork who loves working with kids cuz they dont judge me and they make me really happy. i think if i could be a camp counselor and work with children with autism in particular for the rest of my life, i would. im crazy to change my major to social work, not like education promised me a luxurios future either. i want to help children when im done with college. i want to work in a juv correctional facility or something crazy like that. i have a dysfuntional past thats lead me to my amazing family of 11 people. im still dealing with issues inside that happened years ago. i love dolphins like they are a religion and eclipses like they are the best car in the entire world. i could sit and watch movies all day. or listen to music everywhere i go for the rest of my life, even if it is kelly clarkson and the fray. or watch the rain fall for hours, like i sorta did today. but none of that makes me special. im awake at 3:30am when i should be sleeping, and im venting into a webjournal. how much more pathetic can you get... its not like it can give me answers on how to be truely happy with my life..... i dont know. i havent been truely happy in i dont know how long, and i want to be more than anything. i need to get myself back into shape, get myself more motivated and more confident. ok, well i think thats enough venting. i need to get some sleep...goodnight
|
|
|
[20 Aug 2006|05:40pm] |
|
i love college. i love my apartment. i miss my family!
|
|
|
[11 Aug 2006|03:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 busy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
lots of music |
] |
i move my stuff in my apartment tomorrow!! i can't wait. camp is over, today was the last day, and it was awesome!!! that was a quick 9 weeks of camp.
4 yrs today mom, i love you and miss you just the same...
|
|
|
[07 Aug 2006|10:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 good |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the fray |
] |
this is the last week of camp, now im starting to get sad...justin, my site director, gave me two challenging campers plus the position of head counselor...lets see how this week goes, and if i have any hair left, and how many bruises i have, ha. i cant believe another summers gone by...wow
5 more days till i move my stuff into my new apartment, 12 till i move in!!!
|
|
|
[23 Jul 2006|12:23am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sore |
] |
kelly clarkson rocks my world. the concert was amazing.
im saying a special prayer for you and your family. be strong. ive been in your shoes, and i know its hard, im here if there is anything i can do...
|
|
| just totally venting... |
[14 Jul 2006|12:20am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 frustrated |
] |
why do i feel like nothing i do is ever good enough for my family...i think im more selfish than i think...i thought that having 2 almost full time jobs, adding up to close to 70 hrs a week, plus taking a night class meant that my family understood that i would not be home most of the time, and that it would almost be like living at school. but apparently, although my aunt says shes proud of me, that im doing this for myself, not to benefit anyone else, and all i ever do when i actually have free time is things for myself, like my computer, or going out with friends. i guess i shouldnt have time to myself since this was my choice to work like crazy. maybe i should entertain the kids when i have free time, cuz apparently, just being here with them isnt good enough for them. i do appreciate having a nice dinner to heat up every night when i get home at 11, so i dont have to cook myself something and be up later. and i appreciate the fact that my aunt and uncle are helping buy small things for the apartment this year, and they are getting me a full size bed like i wanted. im just frustrated.im sorry, next time i miss my laundry day (sat) cuz i have to work alllll day, ill just have to find an 24-hour laundry mat to do my clothes at...cuz i guess hand washing my clothes but using the dryer in the morning counts as using it on not my day. i feel like such an inconvience. im mad, and i just want to move out. im so independant, but i still have to live by silly rules, and i dont want to...
i want to go back to school..
|
|
|
[12 Jul 2006|12:43am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the fray...hundred |
] |
wake up. camp. lowes. late dinner. sleep.
wake up. camp. class. late dinner. sleep.
wake up. camp. lowes. late dinner. sleep.
(( repeat ))
my life is so boring. i feel lonely inside...
i miss niu. i hope i meet someone special this year...
|
|
|
[30 Jun 2006|11:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 disappointed |
] |
nothing tastes as sweet
as what i can't have...
|
|
|
[25 Jun 2006|11:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
im not happy, but im content :)
thats how my summer is so far.
|
|
|
[21 Jun 2006|10:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 complacent |
] |
i held a bearded lizard dragon today. i have a pic of it on my shoulder. ill post it as my facebook pic when i get it. i also held 2 snakes today. one was a 58lb constrictor. man, camp is awesome!!!
my tooth is starting to hurt again. but i had a root canal on it, so why does it hurt...
|
|
|
[18 Jun 2006|10:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
busy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
nelly...promiscious girl |
] |
so...its been a while since i updated. its been rough at home with some issues, so i figured id save the venting. surprisingly, everythings great with my aunt and uncle and i. but the other stresses are not over, but im living. oh well.
work is crazy. i successfully make it though hell week one. working camps, lowes, and class at harper. not to mention, i got to go out, i made it to rotary fest last night, i workedout, only twice tho, and and see my family a teeny bit. only 7 more weeks of class, and 8 more of camp and 9 of lowes. haha.
im really starting to miss some friends at school tho :( i cant wait to see some of them again!! other than that, not much else is new with me. so im outie. gotta clean my room and get to sleep. bye bye
|
|
| everybody knows im in over my head... |
[02 Jun 2006|01:38am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 worried |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the fray... |
] |
i lost my mom, i lost my dad, and now i feel like im losing my brother. life just totally freakin sucks at times. and im not going to be here over half the time cuz i decided to fill my summer this year. i feel like im falling...
|
|
|
[27 May 2006|12:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 thirsty |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
holes. rascal flatts |
] |
summer is here finally. and after 2 weeks, we now have comcast cable internet and i finally got around to setting up the router. thank goodness, ive missed the internet a lot. its made me miss my friends at school sooo much. to go from seeing/talking to them every evening, to nothing for 2 whole weeks. i feel like ive been home a month. it could also be that i started my summer job already. i usually wait till june to start working. haha, but i neeeeed the money now.
im sad tho cuz where are all my friends?? they are all at the lake house swimming, enjoying the nice weather...where am i?? here, inside, not getting sun, working 9 hr shifts every day, all weekend. they started me out with a full 40 hours last week and this coming week. its ok tho, cuz im slowly getting to know people at work, and the time is going by faster. yesterday, i worked 11am-11pm, with one hr for lunch. they needed extra help, so i got 3 hrs overtime. my life is going to be work, work, work. but boy will it be nice to finally really work on getting out of debt, unlike my last few summer attempts. i start stats on the 5th, and my camps on the 12th. well anyways, time to get ready for work. haha.
hope everyones summer is going well!!!
|
|
| 3 yrs down, 2 to go... |
[12 May 2006|02:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sad |
] |
wow, this is it. junior year over. this year went by fast. it comes in second to freshman year. i dont think anything could beat that year. last year really sucked, and it would be ok if i never had a year like that again. i did really good in my classes overall. work was great, and im really going to miss all the little kids. i cant wait to see them in the fall. ive made a lot of new friends that im really going to miss over the summer, and ive become closer with a few friends who im really really going to miss over the summer. im going to miss things like nacho/OC thusdays with everyone. parties on fotis!! church on sun night with bill, followed by walmart with chris and bill. late nights being goofy with cristy. unan1mous with jamie!! waiting with the girls for dan and adam to come home drunk, haha. i could go on forever. things wont be the same next year, i wont be in a dorm for the first time. its kinda scary thinking about it. its everyones senior year next year, and it makes me sad that im here for 5 years. im going to miss everyone when they graduate next year. well, i have some errands to take care of before my aunt comes with the elephant (the name we gave to the van when we first got it...ha). goodbye dorms!
|
|
| behind these hazel eyes. |
[07 May 2006|11:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 stressed |
] |
why do i always do this to myself?
oh yea, cuz im pathetic
anyways, summer break starts this friday. well sorta on wed, i have 2 finals, then im done. my dog ran away, but my family found him 26 hrs later. i have 2 interviews tomorrow morning back home, so im going to sleep. nite.
|
|
| blah... |
[30 Apr 2006|10:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
emotional |
] |
this weekend was super busy at home. it was nice overall tho. i do have a lot of fun with my sibs. i act like im 5, so do they. we kept making my uncle really mad in the car...ha. oops. anyways, we were supposed to go to the cemetary on sat or even today cuz friday would have been my moms 42nd birthday, but we didnt make it due to the weather. i havent been there in over a year. i cant stop thinking of her lately. both of my parents actually. ive been emotional lately, and i have sooo much on my mind, mostly about them, but dont worry, im not going to vent it all in here.
i cant wait for the summer tho. i have a weight goal to reach, and im helping my grandma too. its the most important thing to me this summer. i need so badly to be happy with myself. financially, i have my summer camps, and im still in the search of a good, enjoyable second full time job. and ill have a night class on mon and wed for a while. im not going to have a social life, but i guess it really doesnt matter anyways. not like i have someone to spend a lot of time with or anything. im hoping keeping myself busy will not only help me financially, but help the summer go by fast too. when i spend too much time at home, i start getting in trouble for small stupid things that i dont do, and i dont need that, im 20 yrs old. but things have been good at home for a while now, so its ok. and thats about it. im a boring person.
|
|
| yay!!!!!!!! |
[23 Apr 2006|03:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
if i were you. hoobastank |
] |
so the bestest news is...
i get to see kelly clarkson on july 22nd with kt!!!!
and in other news, this weekend was pretty awesome. thanks for my visitors over the weekend, i had a lot of fun! partied on friday, and relaxed on sat, played some DDR, i saw silent hill with kt, which if you know the games and some of the story, the movie was really good, but if you don't, then it would be confusing. they leave it open for a silent hill 2. i havent heard anything about it from people, but i liked it. i like most movies. and of course, we had our talk, till like 6am. i think thats my favorite part of hanging out with kt. haha. anyways, i thought i would update about getting tickets. back to homework! toodles...
|
|
| kelly clarkson is coming!!!!!!!!!!! |
[19 Apr 2006|08:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 optimistic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
kelly |
] |
i can't believe that this year is almost over already!! this weekend is it, my last party weekend. ha. i hope its an awesome one.
ok, so the big news, im on top of my bills for the end of this month. kelly clarkson is coming to the former "tweeter center" on july 22, its a sat. it starts at 8. i want to go more than any other concert ever!!! for anyone who knows me, knows how obsessed i am with her. i tried to win tickets on the radio this past weekend, haha, but that didnt work. i need another big fan of hers to go with me!!!!!!!!!! please let me know if your interested, i need to know by friday morning, thats when the tickets go on sale.
thats all im thinking about, so thats all im going to update about for now.
|
|
|
[10 Apr 2006|10:33am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
watchin tv |
] |
so im awake, i only got 3 hrs of sleep. i had a stupid paper that i wait waaaayyyyy to late to start. and thank you to jamie for telling me it was due today, and providing me with the works cited page 20 mins before the paper was due. haha. i owe her! anyways, i got my new phone, and its so awesome. but no ones really called or text me that much, i keep playing around with it, just to get some use out of it. ha. going home on saturday was so awesome. i had so much fun, my family was so crazy, i wish everyday was that awesome at home. this weekend overall was really nice. stuff was bothering me, but ill save everyone who still reads this the boring venting...ha
( survey )
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
jilsa1303's journal